the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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