where am i from again
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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