Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
