how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
honey bunches of taint.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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