i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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