When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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