He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
