he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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