I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
No subtext here. People are naked.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
