I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
