I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
