my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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