Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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