So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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