her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
