I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
