Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Randomize
