I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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