if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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