the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
