I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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