Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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