Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
tell me about the fingering
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
