you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
