Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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