Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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