Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize