I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
