Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
