The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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