why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
