don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
