i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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