Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
