3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
