You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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