Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
