First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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