The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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