I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
