I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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