First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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