I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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