I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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