finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
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I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
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Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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