Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
