sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I just gift wrapped bread.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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