so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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