question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
