Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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