I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
