Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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