i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
