And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
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Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
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After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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