guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
