still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
