Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
