Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
