Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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