Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Bring me that man meat
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
