I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Boobs speak an international language.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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