Yo dont text me then not text me
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
