I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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