spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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