I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
our cab driver is having phone sex.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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