Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
