it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
