this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
