My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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