Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
