yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
